I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
