My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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