it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
