Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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