very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
