She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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