He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
