Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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