If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
