After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Enjoy the penises
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
