Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
