My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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