He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
