he looks like a really good dad on facebook
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
