Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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