Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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