I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
