You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
