My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
