Apparently you make a good broom.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We have started to decorate penises.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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