I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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