so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
