cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
