My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
