my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
