What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
