you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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