1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
