I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
