I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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