butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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