walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
