The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
