there's paper in my vomit.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
