the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
