yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Too much gin, very little bucket
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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