The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
