i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
