haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
