I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
