When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
