the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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