so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
