three words: i give head
three words: not that well
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
