My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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