haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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