We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
