just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
