Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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