dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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