He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
